I seriously don’t know what the big deal is with e-macks. People who hit on the opposite gender online tend to be people who lack confidence and are too wussy to do it in real life (it’s not really Halal anyway). People build up this thing called e-courage and say things or do things that they wouldn’t do in real life. Here are some things that you should avoid:
1) Justification
First off, in order to convince ourselves that we aren’t doing anything too Haram, we tend to make some sort of whacked out justification.
Nabeel: Salam Jamila. I need to talk about Islamic stuff and such.
Jamila: ws… sure what’s up?
Nabeel: Well, I was just wondering if my beard qualifies as sunnah. What do you think?
Jamila: hmmm well from what ive seen of it, it seems to be pretty sunnah-like.
Nabeel: Okay thanks… so what’s up? 
See that? Sly. But lame. Whenever your mother yells at you from downstairs and asks you what you are doing, you usually respond with “Oh just doing dawah/Islamic work/MSA etc.” and you’re clear to go. Or are you?
2) Lame compliments
After we justify it, people tend to dive a bit further into the conversation by exchanging compliments.
Nabeel: And so I said to the guy I said, “Roll your pants up, I’m Nabeel ya’ani”
Jamila: LOL omg lol rofl lol roffle
Nabeel: You liked that one eh?
Jamila: u r soooooooo funnie
Nabeel: yeah?
Jamila: and being funnie is being cute lolzz
Nabeel: I think you’re cute too.
Whoa easy there tiger. Compliments lead to unnecessary flattery where everyone starts to feel all giggly and LOL-y. Feeling giggly and bubbley is stupid.
3) 
The Wink
The Wink Usually after a compliment, we tend to bust out the infamous wink. These things are TROUBLE.
Nabeel: Go on, go on. I like compliments.
Jamila: you also make a killer athaan before juma lol
Nabeel: I know.
I mean normal smiles are okay because “Smiling is Charity” but the elusive wink tends to give people the wrong idea. Take one sentence and compare the connotation:
Nabeel: hey…salam
Nabeel: hey…salam
The latter is for the morons.
4) Pic?
Okay now it gets REALLY bad.
Jamila: nabeel I want your opinion on something.
Nabeel: Sure.
*transferring file jamila.jpg*
Nabeel: oh nice hijab
Jamila: lol 
Nabeel: I just took a picture. Wanna see?
Jamila: okay lolz
*transferring file boypose.jpg*
This is what I don’t get about Muslims. Why send a pic when you know you won’t (or shouldn’t) receive a compliment about the way you look? What the hell are you expecting… “MAN YOU ARE HOT MASHALLAH” ? “Cute beard??” “Your hijab really brings out your beautiful face??” Get some self-esteem will ya?
5) Webcam
Unfortunately, some people go all out with the webcam. Here’s probably what would happen if you get too excited with it.
So stop ka-slapping around and get your mind out of the gutter.
January 8th, 2008 at 3:09 am
funny funny i like it .. most of is true
January 8th, 2008 at 3:09 am
and dont forget the
January 9th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Lol. This one is really funny. Sad though how its true.
-Sigh-
Oh well
January 12th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
omg..made me cradck up “ammi m working with him for an islamic event” Lawl.. buh it can happen to the guys tooh.. just putting that in sitll….
January 17th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
once again… another near death experience upon reading the lil webcam spoof
January 20th, 2008 at 8:51 am
That boy-pose was was so hilariously disturbing, I nearly choked!
January 26th, 2008 at 5:25 am
Thanks for using my name
LOL
February 19th, 2008 at 4:16 am
haha it has my name :D…this is soo funny…ironic how i use the same methods to chat lol
February 26th, 2008 at 2:37 am
Haha, haven’t been on here in forever. Hamzah - still doing an awesome job with those articles
I love this one’s video. Did you write this after that? Or was this the inspiration?
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:35 pm
funny funny i like it
March 10th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
This was SOOOOO funny!!!! Haha!!!
March 26th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Salaamz… i know this stuff definitely happens with people that dont take Islam seriously…but people that do take it seriously…hopefully they should be trying to avoid talking to the opposite gender as much as possible…bcoz Shaitaans always making his moves…
March 30th, 2008 at 9:52 am
omg, this is so true. one of the best
<-(charity)
May 11th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
funny and true
May 12th, 2008 at 12:01 am
lolz it’s funny n true
May 12th, 2008 at 6:46 am
“Jamila: LOL omg lol rofl lol roffle
Nabeel: You liked that one eh?
Jamila: u r soooooooo funnie
Nabeel: yeah?
Jamila: and being funnie is being cute lolzz”
= HilARE
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:23 pm
doh! alterior motives are creepy
July 6th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
looooooooooooooooooooool
great job
hahahahah
July 25th, 2008 at 6:31 am
Hmm.. Now this one is taking Islaam to a whole new low.. I bet the people who are really involved in dawah works dont even have time to post comments or enjoy free moments that we mess up our lives in…
August 13th, 2008 at 11:42 am
true, but creepy article. it happens a lot here in my country… and then you dont even know about it.
stay safe! even the “virtual” life has gaping trapdoors
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:48 am
Very nice, haha. Someone referred me here; its a pretty wicked article.
Keep typing away.
September 10th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
ammi!!!!
September 11th, 2008 at 11:12 am
looool…man that made my day.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
lol
aww ammi! im working with him for an Islamic event!
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:54 pm
true!
October 17th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
AOA,
so true. I’m gonna be more careful next time.
January 17th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
Nabeel: yeah, sounds good. Talk to you soon, I gotta go pray Maghrib. Salam
Wsalam.
Jamila: I’d totally pray behind you!
January 29th, 2009 at 5:41 am
can’t stop laughing ‘YOU’RE SO HOT MASHA”ALLAH’…..
February 3rd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
omg this is next level funny!! rofl!!
love this site its awesome
February 11th, 2009 at 9:37 am
hahah the `hey you` boypose.jpg was epic really laughed at that.
April 21st, 2009 at 8:21 pm
[...] Muslim Chat Do Nots May 25, 2005 written by Hamzah Moin [...]
April 24th, 2009 at 3:17 am
Quite the funny i suppose. Ironic as well, but SAD as hell.
I laughed myself to tears and cried myself to tears. I ask
myself though, what does it take, these days, to engage
in a conversation with a Muslim sister without bending to
\
shaytan’s will? This artcile clearly underscore the phrase
“desire can create its own objective”
I laughed because yes, i found Nabeel’s “tactics”
surprisingly similar to mine, and seeing someone else do it
is funny, as it is quite seemingly out of desperation. I cried
because I’ve been shown myself…in a way I’ve been
extracted out of my own little world, i mean, witnessing
someone else do it makes you feel disgusted about
yourself, and the fact that I’ve JUSTIFIED before it is just
down-right scary especially when my justification is a
religiously “intellectual” discussion. Reality is, talking on
msn like that is DANGEROUS, even the most religious guys
and girls have gone down that dark path before… yup for
sure, there is always a way around the “good-good”
stuff, take that funny example by Floozy
“Nabeel: yeah, sounds good. Talk to you soon, I gotta go pray Maghrib. Salam
Wsalam.
Jamila: I’d totally pray behind you!
and the many other examples by Hamzah. Frankly, it is an
obsession. An obsession sugarcoated by denial, it tastes
good…but only for the moment.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:50 am
“MAN YOU ARE HOT MASHALLAH” lmao
June 15th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
LMAO!!! that was too funny but seriously makes you see things from a different perspective.