I don’t like criticizing my elders too much because after all, they were the ones that made the sacrifice of leaving their homelands, emigrating to the West and building mosques from scratch (or buying an existing building but both are good). Mosques in the West are unusual to begin with because of the wide diversity of immigrants who mesh together in some bizarre sort of Masjid Uncle Salad. Even though they were the ones that somewhat built the foundations of the Muslim communities here, they still have some bizarre habits that just need to go.
The “Master of Fiqh”
After finishing a nice round of Sunnah prayer, you leave happily knowing you just dropped two for Allah (SWT)’s pleasure. Boooooyah. Unfortunately someone was watching your entire prayer and wasn’t pleased one bit. You’re about to leave the mosque when someone hisses at you from the corner. It was the guy that watched your prayer … the “Master of Fiqh”
“Brother, where did you learn to pray like that?”
“That? I learned that from my fiqh teacher… its from a school of th-”
“Brother, please. Is that from the Sunnah?”
“Yes.”
“I read in a Hadith that you have to fold your arms up here … not down there.”
“What? Which Hadith was that-”
“Brother, please do your prayer again. It was absolutely wrong.”
Basically if the “Master of Fiqh” notices that you are praying differently from the way he prays then you’re praying wrong of course. Who can argue with a random guy that uses Hadith search engines as his source? What a certified genius.
The Humble Imam
This I see happen all the time. Usually when the main congregational prayer is done, the Late Lateefs tend form their own congregational prayer in the back. How do they decide on the person that should lead the prayer? Well… it’s not exactly rocket science but…
Cute isn’t it? Well things like this sometimes don’t stay cute. They get ugly… really, really ugly.
But I’d prefer this over the Not-So-Humble Imam…
The Not-So-Humble Imam
The complete opposite of the Humble Imam is the Not-So-Humble Imam who would just walk up to lead despite his lack of qualifications. If you don’t know how to lead the prayer then just step back… no need to be a hero.
And don’t push up the guy with the biggest beard either. Some folks tend to think beards as the epitome of knowledge which is lame. I’ve seen a guy with a huge beard self-volunteering to lead and it was hands down the worst prayer I’ve ever prayed in my life. Not only was it probably not accepted and I had to repeat it, there were ten mistakes in the first rakaat alone… excluding the surah mistakes. Don’t ask me how he did it because I like to forget about it.
Volunteering to lead a congregation is perfectly okay as long as one knows how to properly lead a prayer… fiqh and all.
The Hulk
I noticed a lot of uncles are in this boat. Most uncles are very nice to you as some sort of Masjid aura surrounds them and they act like super nice and shake your hand whenever you’re in their vicinity or give you great big bear hugs that crush your lungs. They might also invite you over for dinner because they love you like a son. Such nice and kind-hearted uncles.
However sometimes when you’re not looking, they get super angry for some unknown reason. Maybe they lost their shoes after prayer or you disagreed with their insightful ability to correct your heathen prayer? Maybe you accidentally let it slip that the mosque elections were rigged? Whatever it was… this uncle started to get angry.
Sometimes other uncles have to come and restrain him to prevent any sort of big fight from occurring. I mean grown-ups fist-fighting in mosques don’t make the prettiest examples for our younglings do they? Luckily most mosques have some sort of anger management classes or halaqahs of some sort. I hope.
The Abuser of Arabic
Arabic hands down is probably one of the world’s most beautiful languages. It’s no surprise that even non-Arab Muslims would do everything they can to show the world their Arabic skills. However sometimes sentences become extremely awkward after it has been “Arabized”. For example, a sentence like “InshAllah the mosque plans to hold an open house next Friday inshAllah and inshAllah it will be a success inshAllah.. Jazakallah for listening” can be semi-translated to “If God wills the mosque plans to hold an open house next Friday God-willing and God-willing it will be a success if God wills… may God grant you for listening.”
I think instead of saying ‘uhhs’ and ‘umms’ a lot of people tend to just throw in a few inshAllahs and subhanAllahs just to make it sound more Islamic. I think that’s more disrespectful if anything. There are also the uncles who throw Arabic words in the wrong places.
Awful:
Terrible:
Dreadful:
inshAllah this problem will go away… Alhamdullilah
January 17th, 2008 at 11:54 am
i love ur little paint drawings
March 2nd, 2008 at 6:32 pm
hahhaa..thasz madd funny
March 30th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
LOL
March 30th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Hilarious stuff lol
May 13th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
that’s like wooooooooooow
it’s so hilarious, dude good work !
September 12th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
LOL That is jokes.
“I got an A on my math test” “ASTAGFIRULLAH!
hahahhha
January 10th, 2009 at 1:59 am
Lol, it’s very important that people take this seriously.
These arabic words have deep meanings and should be respected. People need to know how silly they sound! Of course using those words is great but restrain yourselves please!
February 1st, 2009 at 1:42 am
hahahahahaaaaaaaa so true XD
May 15th, 2009 at 7:47 am
haha true true!!
September 14th, 2009 at 11:18 am
That bit about the Mosque Uncles and the one about Abusing Arabic were sooo true!
I’ve experienced both, the worst being this MU trying to convince me that my prayer wasn’t valid coz i didnt have my prayer cap on… SERIOUSLY!
October 14th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
lol i love your other one where the girl’s like: i’m getting fat
guy: bismillah
girl: that doesn’t make sense
guy: mashAllah
November 9th, 2009 at 12:22 am
Astaghfirullah-hal-azim…
No, seriously…I had to say that ’caused I laughed so hard…
February 13th, 2010 at 4:45 am
Brilliant.