’tis the season to be jolly. Or is it? After working in retail for several months I’ve come to realize that Christmas comes in two extremes for our non-Muslim amigos: it’s either the most pleasant time of the year or it’s the most miserable. As a Muslim, it’s fun watching from the sidelines and seeing the chaos that arises. Of course the way we Muslims handle Christmas can come in all sorts of extremes as well.
But how do the Christmas carollers know which house to go to? Like what if they show up at a Muslim house?
I mean during Ramadan we sing Nasheeds and stuff but at least we don’t sing annoying CAROLS. Like what happens if you turn something Ramadanish into a carol?
Let’s stick to Nasheeds and promise ourselves never to cheapen Ramadan’s value. Ameen.
For those who don’t know the story, Rudolph is this outcast reindeer that all the reindeers make fun of because he has this freakish glowing red nose (and come on, if your nose was glowing you should expect to be made fun of). The moronic Rudolph probably was prying his nose into some radioactive material or blew his nose on some radioactive tissues which caused his nose to turn out this hideous. His horrible mutation is probably his fault but naturally the story skims over such important details.
Now although the song and movie get on my nerves, I have to admit that the person who invented Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had to know his fair share of Muslims in his or her life. The similarities are striking.
Sad isn’t it? Rudolph knows it too!
So the story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer could easily be Batinah the Blue-Veiled Hijabi. Same story, different setting. Rudolph’s story is so ho-hum for Muslims. Been there, done that. Yawn.
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white
Sounds pretty damn racist if you ask me. Can you imagine singing a song like this to some of our Somali brothers and sisters? Heck, any non-white brother and sister for that matter… the results will all be the same: absolute disgust.
Why no black Christmas? Or brown Christmas? Or yellow Christmas or a mixed Christmas? I know … it’s probably because Santa Claus himself is racist.
So as you are probably aware, the morning of December 25th wasn’t exactly the rosiest for me due to the lack of presents underneath the imaginary Christmas tree. I wasn’t the happiest kid when I saw my parents.
“Sufferin’ succotash!” I screeched in my shrilly 5-year old voice.
“What?” my dad grumbled.
“Where’s my Christmas gifts?! Santa forgot our house!”
I knew deep down I wasn’t naughty. I knew this because the local Kindergarten bully received a new Nintendo game from Santa and I KNOW he’s naughty. The bully even told me afterwards, “Man, I’ve been so naughty all year and I still got a Nintendo game HAHA” and then he punched my arm. I started to cry… not because he punched my arm but because I was a nice kid and didn’t get anything. I told the teacher that Santa forgot me and she assured me that I was naughty. I looked around the room and noticed the Jewish, Hindu and Sikh kids in my class also didn’t get any gifts either but I knew they weren’t naughty either. In fact, the naughty kids all received gifts while the nice ones didn’t.
It dawned on me that Santa Claus is a big, fat, racist liar. It seems he only gave gifts to the Christian kids or the kids who were tools of commercialization and marketing (essentially every kid). He also has God-like powers for some reason.
The only difference it seems is that Allah (SWT) is beyond anthropomorphic qualities while Santa Claus is a fat old man and Allah (SWT) gives us gifts that we tend to take for granted while Santa Claus gives us gifts we don’t need.
I’m personally against the governments for banning the word “Christmas” in schools and replacing it with “Happy Holidays”. To me, this society has the whole mosaic culture backwards. Instead of making schools completely religion-free, why not let ALL religions share their views? Why not have Muslims say Eid Mubarak and Jews say Happy Hanukah and Hindus say Happy Diwali and such? Is it such a bad idea? It bridges understanding and compassion between faiths…something that will unlikely be taught in the private spheres.
Where am I going with this? I say the above because the schools currently ARE NOT secular like they claim to be. Like sometimes they think they are because I said “Oh my God” in my kindergarten class once and my teacher yelled at me and told me to say “Oh my Gosh” instead because apparently ‘gosh’ is neutral. Yet in the same class she went on saying that Santa Claus is watching every single one of us and we should behave. SOUNDS FAMILIAR. Of course it does. Santa Claus is a big fat thief.
If Santa Claus can seep into our public schools and references of God can’t then I think Santa Claus should be stripped of his God-like powers. It’s only fair.
Eid Mubarak.
January 20th, 2008 at 8:45 am
Cute…
January 24th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
cute…
February 3rd, 2008 at 5:45 am
LOL WOW i could not stop laughing at the “white christmas” thing!!! HAHAHAHAHA that was great!! GREAT articles, i love your webstie!!!
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
LOL WOW i could not stop laughing at the “white christmas” thing!!! HAHAHAHAHA
April 27th, 2008 at 11:48 am
“suffering succotash!”…never heard that one before but the fact that it’s an expression used by a 5-yr old is pretty funny!
June 30th, 2008 at 1:51 am
where do u get the inspiration to come up with all these ridiculously funny statements….u crack me up.
September 15th, 2008 at 2:39 am
Please be mindful that you are living in OUR Christian Country. If you don’t like the way we celebrate things, then GO AWAY!!!
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:21 pm
terribly funny from a neutral point of view, but what if a christian reads it and decides to make fun of Eid or ramadan? I think we shouldn’t mock at other people beliefs if we don’t want our’s mocked.
November 21st, 2008 at 1:38 am
its not mocking beliefs…
christ’s birth has nothing to do with a red-nosed reindeer or santa claus.
he’s making fun of all the commericalized nonsense.
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:02 pm
[...] http://maniacmuslim.com/2005/12/23/a-christmas-special/ [...]
January 13th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
britgirk; your dad doesnt own this country. when he shows me the papers; maybe then your comment will be valid. Your parents might not have taught you yet, but this is the world and humans live together. UK/USA isn’t a toy. & Seriously, I hope you didnt tell the romans/ celts/ vikings/ etc that this was YOUR country & to GO AWAY.
dramaaaaaaaa queen.
February 11th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Dude? wth. Okay, im christian but i have NOTHING against other religions. some of my best friend sare muslim and hindu. so what? If you have so much against christmas, fine! But if you havent realised the christian kids got presents cause its a christian holiday -> christmas!
I don’t know if you’ve realised this but it’s insulting to christians. the whole white christmas thing was sad. Stop looking at everything racially. There’s more to life than sitting at a computer trying to mock other peoples cultures.
February 12th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
guess this article is offending to christians [at least the santa claus=God part] i mean we expect them to respect our religion thus perhaps you should only stick to the commercialised part, not sort of diss the religion itself.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:23 am
because they’re frig… what? I thought you were against using swear words, so i learnt from one of your articles. but what’s that F doing there
October 3rd, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Everyone celebrates christmas nowadays, you dont even have to be Christian. Ask the kids what christmas is about and they will say ‘the presents!!’
But kids will feel left out if they come from religious backgrounds where Christmas isnt celebrated, especially when the schools make such a big deal about christmas. We live in completely multicultural society now so why not make a big deal about the other religious holidays in schools too?
And the Santa Claus=God part shouldn’t offend because its just pointing out what people teach kids about Santa, not that Christians actually believe that Santa IS God because what’s Santa got to do with Christianity anyway?
October 14th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
LOL i love how all you added a beard to everyone to make them muslim.. even the girls
haha is this your secret revenge against santa
February 14th, 2010 at 6:12 am
>>Where am I going with this? I say the above because the schools currently ARE NOT secular like they claim to be. Like sometimes they think they are because I said “Oh my God” in my kindergarten class once and my teacher yelled at me and told me to say “Oh my Gosh” instead because apparently ‘gosh’ is neutral. Yet in the same class she went on saying that Santa Claus is watching every single one of us and we should behave. <<
Good point.