Bismillah It!

Written by: Hamzah Moin

I’m not one to shy away from controversial issues. In fact, I love them. What I’m about to write about is arguably the most controversial topic in the history of our Muslim community. Well what is it? It’s quite simple:

Our Muslim community is divided on the meat issue as you’ll see in a moment. First let’s envision a scenario of myself in Burger King with an old friend.

“Wow man… the B.K. Big Fish is huge man” I said.
“Yes it’s quite the catch” my friend replied.
“Arright let’s get that then…” *I turn towards the cashier* “I’ll have two Fish Sandwiches and-”
“Hey! Who said I wanted fish!”
“Well… we-”
“I want a Whopper! A WHOPPER!”
“But they aren’t even cut properly… it’s not Halal”
“It will be when I say Bismillah before I eat it.”
“That makes it Halal?”
“Dude you’re so dumb. Anything is Halal if you say Bismillah.”

I shot him a disgusted look and proceeded to shake my head throughout the entire meal as he scarfed down the Whopper. You see, as Muslims, we are to eat meat that was cut properly (Zabiha…cut across the animal’s jugular vein so it is bled properly). Most meat available in any restaurant is usually not cut across the jugular vein and thus not Halal but some people think otherwise. Some people think that if you say BISMILLAH, the meat magically becomes Zabiha and tolerable. People need to realize that magic is haram and you can’t halalify a chicken once its on your plate on a bun.

Basically the logic is: anything makrooh (disliked, in this case meat that isn’t cut properly) can be turned halal (lawful) if the magic words are said.

I decided to use this Bismillah logic with other things:

And next.

See the retardation?

I know, I know. Some of you are gonna start saying “BUH HAMZAH… WE CAN EAT ANY MEAT FROM THE PEOPLE OF THE BOOK!!! THAT MEANS ANYTHING BECAUSE THIS IS A CHRISTIAN COUNTRY!!!!”

People of the Book = Jews, Christians, Muslims. Sounds great on paper but I checked out some of the Slaughterhouses and this is what I saw:

He even said that too.

Addtionally, this whole meat issue just causes havoc anywhere. Evil and greedy corporations essentially just genetically modify innocent chickens all over the world to fill their large pockets with green.


What’s worse… genetically modified chicken in a KFC bucket or Arabs in a KFC bucket?

I think people need to realize that if there is no Halal option available, it doesn’t hurt to become a vegetarian for a little while. Well, it only hurts if the veggie-burger or soy-chicken you’re eating is filled with sharp razor blades or flesh-eating bacteria but I think that is rare. It’s only happened to me once. Anyway eating leaves can’t be that harmful. If the Zabiha diet is going tough then just remember: Fish-Filet is your best friend.

I hope you learned a spine-tingling lesson in all this.

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