Denmark Claims Third World Status

Written by: Hamzah Moin

The country of Denmark has filed for Third World Status due to the recent boycott of Denmark products by the Muslim world. Although most nations don’t use the first, second, third world classifications anymore, Denmark’s Prime Minister Anders Fug Rastamuffin wishes to bring the label back due to Denmark’s crippled economy.

“Gosh golly, I didn’t know the cartoons would piss the Muslims off this much,” said the Danish Prime Minister, “it was almost as if the entire Muslim world put away all their differences overnight and united in the wake of these cartoons.”

Jyllands-Posten, a Danish newspaper featured several offensive cartoons of Prophet Muhammad (SAW) last September which has angered Muslims not only in Denmark, but around the world. In retaliation, Muslims boycotted Danish goods, crippling the Danish economy to show displeasure. Salman Hassan, leader and main organizer of the Danish Boycott Movement, is one of the most vocal Muslims when it came to the massive boycott. “I’ve been boycotting any product that supports Israel so I have experience in stuff like this” he said.

It was Mr.Hassan who compiled the list of Danish companies and distributed the “Don’t support these Danish companies” flyers around the internet and various mosques. Many were quick to point that some companies on his boycott list weren’t even Danish like Kinder, makers of the infamous chocolate egg with a toy inside. “Oh I just put Kinder on because I hate the fact that I keep getting stupid jigsaw puzzles instead of those cool mini-cars…” explained Hassan, age 45.

Mr. Hassan’s son, Kamran (8), destroyed his entire Lego collection. “I saw my dad’s boycott list and Lego was there so I did what any Muslim would do… I threw all my Lego pieces into the toilet and flushed them. Take that Denmark!”

Jafar Syed, another berated Muslim over the cartoons, took the boycott one step further. He decided to include American goods in his list as well. “Prophet Isa (AS) has been portrayed very negatively in the American media too … he’s our Prophet as well and I think fair is fair by boycotting American goods as well”. Syed has not bought anything since he announced the American goods boycott. It is reported that he eats grass to sustain himself.

Denmark however cannot sustain itself by eating grass. The country is so poor, that neighbouring countries use Danish people for cheap labour. The entire economy has collapsed since the boycott and thousands of workers are out of work. Jyllands-Posten however, still operates… and still posts garbage while exercising their right of freedom of expression.