TweetWritten by: Hamzah Moin NEW YORK – In what was an obvious act of self-defense …
Written by: Hamzah Moin
Hell hath no fury like an engineering graduate scorned. That’s what happened last night when Aman Ahmed’s marriage proposal was declined after a long and rigorous engagement process.
“I don’t get it,” said Ahmed (24), “I’m so religious. I’m so friggin’ good looking. I secured a wicked engineering job. Her parents love me. I had it in the BAG man.” Ahmed was one of the most sought out after brothers in the MSA and it is well known that many sisters actually joined Centennial MSA just to work with him.
However things took a turn for the worst when his would-be fiancé declined his proposal. “Just when I was about to accept him as my future husband I got a link to his Facebook profile” said Wafia Khalil, 22. “It was the most disgusting thing I’ve seen in my life.” Ahmed may have had a rosy and pleasant exterior but his Facebook profile painted a different side to him. “Covering your face with shisha smoke stopped being cool 3 years ago” explained Khalil. “When his ugly face wasn’t being covered with shisha smoke then it was smothered and hugged by some nasty scantily-clad girls. Why would he put such dumb pictures on Facebook?”
Ahmed stated that the pictures were put on there by accident and it was during his ‘bad days’. “Hey we all did stupid stuff in university. I just happen to upload all my sinful behaviour and leave all the pictures tagged for the world to see. I don’t think people have the right to judge me though… I’m still a good guy mashAllah.”
Other bizarre pictures of Ahmed featured him tackling a cheerleader, licking a non-Zabiha hot dog and an interesting close-up of him shaving his legs and eyebrows to join a fraternity. “Yeah, I got a lot of negative feedback about that but my legs are silky smooth now mashAllah”
Aman is also known for harassing people to join various petition groups. “I usually spam people about things like Palestine being delisted as a location in Facebook and how there is some sort of Zionist conspiracy with Facebook. I probably annoy the hell out of people but I know I’m the greatest social activist in the world thanks to Facebook”
The final nail on the coffin for Khalil however, was when she noticed that Aman created a new controversial Facebook group called “I met my future in-laws and they suck” and invited all his friends to join it. Aman declined to comment as to why he created such an open and public group on Facebook, especially since he invited other members of the Khalil family into the group.
Soon after all this, Wafia Khalil closed down her “I want to marry Aman Ahmed” group.