TweetWritten by: Hamzah Moin Once upon a time, there lived three Haram pigs on the …
HALIFAX – A sudden influx of stupidity has overwhelmed an entrepreneur’s new hair & salon boutique shop in downtown Halifax. “This is so weird,” said Shawna Shawson, owner of ISIS Boutique Hair & Salon, “I mean I love the new customers but a lot of them are really weird.”
Shawson inherited the business from her best friend earlier last year. The name,”Get Yo Salon On,” was the first thing she decided to re-brand. “I was inspired by Isis, the Egyptian goddess of caring and I also made the name a backronym: Inspiring Salon and an Interesting Spa,” she said with a straight-face.
Little did she know that her salon would share the same name with the nefarious terrorist group with no Islamic credibility. She was tempted to change the name of the business after she received death threats. “I was expecting some backlash about the name but the only death threats I received were from rival spa owners who were angry that I was doing so well with the new clientele.”
ISIS Salon & Spa received all sorts of new customers since the name change, usually from the most confused Muslims. “At first I wanted to destroy this kafir establishment,” said Abu Jihad, who doesn’t have any children named Jihad, “but I find that they do really good manicures.”
Another patron, Abu Harb has been a regular customer of ISIS Salon & Spa for months and he hopes to one day fight overseas against some vague oppressor. “I am itchin’ for a bit of kafir killin’, explained Abu Harb, who failed to wake up for prayer that morning, “but if I go, then this facial would have been a colossal waste of money. Sand can really get into your pores, y’know?”
The new customers feel conflicted. On one hand they glare at the female workers for being female but on the other hand their skin has never looked better. “We do have male employees but for some reason they always seem to request the female ones just to creepily glare at them,” explained Shawson.
Abu Jihad, who was inspired by an Islamic preacher who he found from a YouTube suggestion, believes one day he will eventually travel somewhere overseas to fight someone when he is ready, perhaps after he graduates high school. “I’ll go when I’m ready, okay? Now if you’ll excuse me… I have a deep-cleansing session waiting for me.”