Jews Take Over Search Engine

Written by: Hamzah Moin

In a surprise turn of events, a bunch of Jews bought out popular search engine Yahoo! last night for $300 million USD. Analysts were baffled at the news.

“I never knew Jewish people were so rich.” said Rob Spacklebottom, a stockbroker for TD Waterhouse. “I mean, I’m usually quite familiar with this kind of stuff. People trust me because I’m a broker but this news came out of nowhere.”

What’s even more shocking is that the Jews felt that Yahoo! needed a name change. They felt that Yahoodi! was most approriate.

“We feel that Yahoodi! captures the extra umph that was missing for so many years at Yahoo!” said Alan Goldmanberg. “This name change should really help us remain competitive in the search engine industry.”

However, there were plenty of critics to the takeover, namely the American-Muslim population. Imam Abu-Bakr Rashaduddin of Taqwa Mosque comments, “The Jews are behind everything. Soon they’ll take over the soft drink industry, the computer industry and eventually we’ll have no choice but to consume everything Jewish. We’ll become Jews if we don’t stop this nonsense.”
The back-up Imam of Taqwa Mosque, who wishes to remain anonymous has similar views to his mentor. “I think it’s a conspiracy. I used to learn about Islam through Yahoo! but lately I haven’t been able to find anything. I think they’re blocking out all the sites pertaining to Islam.”

Alan Goldmanberg declined to comment on this issue.