Written by: Hamzah Moin

I’m dead scared of spiders. They creep me out. I don’t want to start a mass spider genocide or anything …I just don’t like the way they walk. I mean they’re cool because spiders bailed out the Prophet (SAW) in the cave while people were hunting him down but still, I have what is called arachnophobia: fear of spiders.

Other people are scared of many other things. I know people who are scared of rollercoasters. I make fun of those people. I also know people are afraid of tight spaces so they don’t like the blanket on top of them because they fear the blanket would come alive and strangle them to death. I’m not friends with people like that.

However I would take all of the above over people who are kafirphobic – fear of kafirs. Kafirs are basically people who know about Islam but aren’t a fan of accepting it. It’s normal to leave it at that. However some folks get a bit wound up. They start screaming at anything that looks remotely kafir.

They scream at kafirs if they’re sitting on a grassy knoll.

They scream at kafirs if they’re at a peace rally

They even scream “Kafir” at Muslims for some reason.

They’re not really that scary either. These “Kafirs” can give you flowers or chocolates and other goodies. I dunno about you but that sounds pretty sweet. Kafirs like to give out flowers and chocolates time-to-time so it’s good to chill with them during Christmas and Easter.

So WHY do people have kafirphobia? What makes people run and scream from them as if they’re some sort of monster or jinn? Nobody knows for sure, but I did some of my own research of the symptoms:

– Coughing, sneezing or sore throat while in a crowd of non-Muslims
– Dizziness when too close to a “non-Muslim”
– Massive stomach irritation when eating at a restaurant made by kafirs.
– Extreme itchiness when using a product and/or invention that was made by a kafir.
– Watery eyes when reading a book written by a Non-Muslim
– (Sometimes) IQ is at a sub-par level

Kafirphobia unfortunately still exists … even when the nurse that helped bring us into this world was a kafir. Even when the people marching with us against the occupation of Palestine are kafirs. Even when we fall off our bikes, a nearby kafir would come and say “you okay?”. Not all kafirs are evil. Just the ones that say they want to kill us or something. Those ones are no good. But the rest are cool.

Screw kafirs eh? There are bigger problems out there than “kafirs”. I’m not saying to hug and kiss every non-Muslim you see out there. Some folks might not be a fan of that and lot of them don’t use a lota. That problem is that we are scared of the wrong things. We shouldn’t fear people. Just insects, rollercoasters and blankets.