Misconceptions of Muslims

Written by: Hamzah Moin

Real life conversations such as this was one of the prime factors that drove me to make this website. Non-Muslims have a lot of funny ideas about Muslims. I scan random message boards time to time and apparently they believe we have a different 5 pillar system: 1) Beat wife, 2) Teach kids to be violent, 3) Terrorize some random “kafirs”, 4) Suicide-bomb some innocent civilians and 5) Beat wife again. WRONG WRONG WRONG. As much as I love criticizing the Muslim community … I’m going to take a break and start criticizing non-Muslims for looking at us in a negative light. I mean its understandable because we might not be the greatest spokespeople on television but still … it’s time to wake up.

I’m going to clear up some of those misconceptions.

We’re not all stupid

I know this one might be hard to fathom, but not all Muslims think the same way.

1) a very small amount of Muslims thinks everything is Haram.
2) a very small amount of Muslims thinks you are a kafir.
3) a very small amount of Muslims thinks your mom is a kafir.
4) a very small amount of Muslims think that women should be oppressed, beaten, slapped etc.
5) a very small amount of Muslims want to kill you

I like to call the above list the “dumb ones”. They aren’t all that bright but for some odd reason the spotlight is always on them. Why is it on them? I guess they make for more entertaining TV. Who doesn’t hate a villain who wants to terrorize the world? Normal Muslims can’t terrorize crap.

 

We’re not “Muzlamic”

“I hate Muzlamics”.

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Muslims follow the religion of ISLAM. Islamics dont follow the religion of Moslem. Combining them together isn’t politically correct. It’s stupid. Anyone who calls us Muzlamic should go back to Kafiristan.

Other words that bother me:

  • Mooselim
  • Mozlemz
  • Is-lamb
  • Kore-ann
  • Woodoo

Etc.

Muslims don’t teach violence

You probably heard it all before. Islam is a peaceful religion blah blah blah yet STILL people think we’re violent as hell. This one is probably our fault. Whenever I go into the arcades I always see Muslims playing the shooting games.

For example look at this idiot:

I think if we want to look peaceful, we shouldn’t be shouting “Allahuakbar!” or “Die Kafir” whenever we’re playing shooting games.

Also, on message boards: we need to lose the AK47 avatars. It’s really disturbing. Non-Muslims can read message boards too y’know? This doesn’t really look all too welcoming:

Hijabis don’t carry bombs

For some peculiar reason, many non-Muslims think that Hijabis carry a bomb underneath their hijab.

I can assure you there is no bomb under there. For others who are unaware, yes 99% of the time there is hair under there as well. No, they do not shower with their hijabs on. No, the hijabs aren’t colour coded to the days of the week or by their emotion (well they might … it depends on the girl) so red hijabs don’t necessarily mean the woman is angry and blue hijabs don’t necessarily mean it’s Thursday.

Hijab isn’t a sign of oppression either. Speaking of which…

Muslim women are not oppressed

I see non-Muslim men shouting that “Muslim women are repressed”. I see Muslim men replying back yelling “No they’re not …they have rights! Islam gave them rights first!” Someone has to tell both of these groups to shut up and let Muslim women speak whether if they’re oppressed or not. Like what I did.

Hamzaaaargh says: Yo salam.
Zaynab says: wasalam, what’s up?
Hamzaaaargh says: same old same old. Listen i have a question…
Hamzaaaargh says: in Islam, are women oppressed at all??
Zaynab says: No. Stop asking stupid questions.
Hamzaaaargh says: sorry.

Yes Muslim women spaces in many mosques are absolute crap and yes their voices should be heard and listened to more in this community. But they aren’t “oppressed”. They just got screwed over. It’s time to start unscrewing or something.

We make bad terrorists

When September 11th happened, news stations everywhere were starting to speculate that it was “Muslim”-like or something stupid like that.

I disagree. The heinous acts of terrorism against the World Trade Center were too well-timed and organized to be run by Muslims. I’m serious. I worked for the Muslim community for the last 6 years of my life and there are some cold, hard facts about Muslims today:

1) we’re not organized enough to pull off a 9/11
2) we’re never on time. If there was such a thing as a Muslim terrorist, he would have missed the flight.

Apparently one of the terrorists was spotted at a bar before the plane fiasco. How did they know he was Muslim? Because he accidently left a Qur’an in the bar. Apparently that’s what we do as Muslims. We like to carry the Qur’an to dance clubs, bars, burlesque houses and other not-so-Halal places so we can feel better before going on suicide missions. Idiots.

We might make some good villains in movies but in real life, we couldn’t do any harm to this country even if we wanted to. We don’t really have a good reason to blow up anything either. Unless it’s a balloon. Balloons are fun to blow up.

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