TweetWritten by: Hamzah Moin I knew Kingdom of Heaven would be a good movie right …
Written by: Hamzah Moin
*It was a dark and cloudless night. Two people were in charge of making one of the most important decisions of the year.*
Imaad: I don’t see anything.
Musa: How can you not see anything? You are a fool.
Imaad: Okay fine take the binoculars. LOOK for yourself.
Musa: Yeah you’re right… I don’t see anything either.
Imaad: Looks like no Eid tomorrow.
Musa: No way. I booked off work tomorrow and not Friday. Eid MUST be tomorrow. It has to be.
Imaad: What? Look man! Read ‘em and weep! There is no moon!
Musa: No… we just can’t see it. It’s there. I know.
Imaad: WHAT? You have to SEE the moon in order for it to count.
Musa: Lalalalalalalalala I’m not listening Lalalalalala.
Imaad: Oh grow up, you’re such a baby.
Musa: No you’re the baby!
Imaad: Oooooh wah wah wah Eid must be tomorrow wah wah wah I can’t book off work wah wah wah
Musa: Shut up!
Imaad: Make me… baby.
Musa: I could kick your butt whenver, wherever and however I want.
Imaad: Whatever. You’re all talk and no action. It’s no wonder you only got 8 votes while I got 11 for mosque president.
Musa: SHUT UP man I didn’t know families are allowed to vote!
Imaad: Hahah stupid. Yeah man they are. You could have won with that gigantic family of yours. How many kids you got again? 6? 7?
Musa: 8 actually. Even I lose count sometimes lol.
Imaad: Did you just say lol?
Imaad: Well you better go home and tell your family there’s no Eid. Just another ho-hum day.
Musa: Actually I already told my family it’s Eid. My wife did all the cooking already.
Imaad: So why did you come out here tonight?
Musa: Oh to get a breath of fresh air.
Imaad: So you didn’t care if you saw the moon or not… you were going to celebrate Eid tomorrow anyway?
Musa: Pretty much.
A mysterious figure emerges from the woods. It was man who was very short and balding. Most likely a doctor.
Dr. Nasim: Good evening gentlemen.
Musa: What the? Dr. Nasim? Where’d you come from?
Dr. Nasim: That is besides the point … the point is that I have some alarming news.
Imaad: Really? How alarming.
Dr. Nasim: EXTREMELY alarming.
Musa: Go ahead doc.
Dr. Nasim: Basically we can’t see the moon from our location.
Musa: What! No way? Don’t see you it? It’s right there!
Imaad: That’s not a moon you idiot, that’s a jetplane.
Musa: Whatever. What makes you so sure there’s no moon Doc?
Dr. Nasim: Elementary my dear Watson. It is scientifically impossible.
Dr. Nasim: It is scientifically impossible.
Musa: I heard what you said you fool.
Imaad: You can’t argue with that man. Once its scientifically impossible you’re screwed.
Musa: What if science is wrong?
Dr. Nasim: Well you are more than welcome to prove me wrong.
Musa: Yeah? You’re more than welcome to shut up.
Imaad: Now Musa, that’s not nice.
Musa: Hey I don’t care. It’s not Ramadan anymore. It’s Eid. No more Mr. Nice Guy!
Imaad: But it’s not Eid.
Dr. Nasim: It’s okay Imaad. We’ll celebrate on the right day.
Imaad: Well being Mosque President I shall put the date of Eid on Friday because there was no moon sighting.
Musa: I swear if I won you’d SO be praying on Thursday.
Imaad: Well Musa, the problem is… you lost.
Dr. Nasim: Elle oh elle.
Musa: Man, whatever. Fine I’ll pray Friday I guess I have no choice but just know you guys are idiots.
Imaad: Well now that the decision is made, we can go home.
Just before the three men were going to leave, another mysterious figure steps out of the woods.
Saudi Contact: Excuse me guys?
Musa: Who are you?
Saudi Contact: I’m the guy in the community who mysteriously has a lot of links to Saudi.
Imaad: Oh hey man.
Saudi Contact: ‘sup ‘sup
Musa: So what’s the news?
Saudi Contact: Well I got word from the Saudi Government that we’re praying on Thursday.
Imaad: WHAT? THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE.
Musa: Cha-ching. Jackpot.
Dr. Nasim: This is scientifically ridiculous. Saudi has zero percent chance of seeing the moon.
Saudi Contact: Not anymore.
Imaad: Well I guess I can’t complain. After all… it’s Saudi. I’m sure they’re doing it for the right reason.
Saudi Contact: Actually it’s because it’s expensive to do two khutbahs on the same day (Juma) and since we’re running out of oil we’re trying to cut costs.
Musa: Oh that makes sense.
Imaad: Hmmm I don’t agree with this. Since there’s two for Thursday and two for Friday we’re going to have to do the most logical thing.
Saudi Contact: And what’s that?
Imaad: We’ll have to flip a coin. Heads for Thursday. Tails for Friday.
Musa: I call Tails!
Imaad: You don’t call it you idiot, it’s already been set.
Dr. Nasim: God help us all.
*Imaad flips the coin in the air*
Saudi Contact: What is it?
Imaad: Dammit… Heads. Eid on Thursday.
Musa: Cha-ching. Jackpot.
Dr. Nasim: Best two out of three!
Saudi Contact: No it is settled. Eid is settled.
Dr. Nasim: Imaad you fool. You’re the president! Do something!
Imaad: I can’t… the coin.
Dr. Nasim: This is scientifically stupid.
Saudi Contact: Shut up. Eid on Thursday. It’s settled.
Dr. Nasim: But the moon!?
Musa: It’s there. Don’t you see?
Imaad: That’s a jetplane again you idiot.
Saudi Contact: Well you saw something in the sky right? Good enough.
Dr. Nasim: But there is no moon?
Saudi Contact: You want a moon? HUH? Here it is.
Dr. Nasim: Oh my
Musa: Hahah good one Saudi.