TweetWritten by: Hamzah Moin CAIRO – A soccer game erupted in Tahrir Square this morning …
WASHINGTON – President-Elect Trump announced that with the Muslim Registry under way, those few Muslims who had voted for him would have their lives slightly easier. “I want to say that I love the Muslims who voted for me,” said President-Elect Trump, “We already know who you are. We’ll make sure you will be treated as close to a regular classic American as possible.”
The Preferred Muslims, as what they are being called by Trump’s inner circle, will have a variety of ways they can show others that they voted for President Trump. “We built a great system for the Preferred Muslims,” said Larry White, Director of Sub-American Relations, “They can either choose to get a name tag with their voting status, a scannable credit card where they can earn Trump Points and our personal favourite: have their ID number tattooed onto their arms for easy transparency.”
Ahmed Maghrebi, a Trump voter from Texas, is quite enthusiastic about these changes. “When I signed up for the Muslim Registry and scanned my Preferred Muslim card to redeem my Trump Points I was able to remove my no-fly status so I can fly to Wyoming, Idaho and South Dakota… a few more hundred Trump Points and I can remove the no-fly status on Montana as well.”
Maghrebi’s plan is to keep earning enough Trump Points so he can fly to various internment camps across the country. “Honestly, some of my friends are worried that they’ll be stuck at just one interment camps and it sucks for them because they voted for the wrong person,” explained Maghrebi. “but I’d like a bit of flexibility when it comes to my internment camps.”
“We’re going to have the best interment camps. They will be very, very, very good,” said President Trump in a language we all could understand. “Just wait and see.”
Saad Sadiq, a Non-Preferred Muslim because he sometimes voices his displeasure about politics on his Facebook, feels all Muslims should be treated equally at the internment camp. “Creating these artificial classes of camp attendees creates this caste system that we want to avoid… we’re all going to be cooped up together so we should at least learn to be unified.”
Sadiq did go on record to say that if he had a choice he would have preferred to go to the Michigan interment camp, which was nationally renown for their great food.