Written by: Hamzah Moin
After days of rage-fueled protesting about the shoddily made Youtube video Innocence of Muslims, Muslims around the world have unanimously agreed to go back to their daily lives after taking the time to learn about the Prophet .
“During my lunch break someone brought a copy of the biography of the Prophet ,” said Sikander Iqbal, head organizer of the angry Protests, “We all realized he was actually pretty chilled out when it came to people insulting him… who would have known?”
The Prophet’s biography really opened the eyes of many of the protestors. “His neighbours threw garbage at him, people hurled insults… but the Prophet still ignored them and even prayed for them” explained Iqbal, “some protestors thought there was a chapter missing about the Prophet getting super angry and leading a massive angry protest with his companions but I assured them it wasn’t in the book.”
A small handful of protestors wish to remain obliviously angry. “Ever since I stopped smoking cigarettes I realized I was addicted to burning things so I converted that habit to something more productive like burning American flags” said Usman Sayeed, who hasn’t woken up for Fajr in his entire life, “I just needed an excuse to burn stuff.”
Sayeed joined a small handful of other Muslims who began a 3-day long boycott of YouTube and Google when they learned the search company refused to take down the Innocence of Muslims video. “I know there are literally thousands of other videos that are just as bad and have existed for years on YouTube but participating in these boycotts are thrilling for me. I’ve been part of every Muslim boycott fad.”
Some protestors simply were protesting because it was the ‘in’ thing to do. “Honestly, by Day 8 I forgot what I was protesting about,” said Tariq Siddiqui, a professional protestor of 21 years, “I think it had something to do with America or a teddy bear or something.”
Other protestors had more selfish goals. An anonymous protestor explained: “To be honest I just wanted to get on the cover of Newsweek magazine and potentially become an internet meme”