TweetWritten by: Hamzah Moin In a surprise turn of events, a bunch of Jews bought …
NEW YORK – A fight broke out yesterday at Thant Elementary School after a Palestinian boy was voted in the prestigious Model U.N. Club. “I can’t believe a fight like this broke out under my watch” said Prinicpal Ka-Sun, “I should do something about it.”
The fight was a one-sided affair that left a Palestinian boy, Amir Karim (11) winded after he was punched in the stomach by Benjamin Greenberg (12), a student who has had a turbulent history with Amir.
“Honestly, Benny doesn’t surprise me anymore” said Amir. “I once came to school and found out that Benny had taken over my locker because the British guidance counselor felt sorry for him because he didn’t have one. Out of the hundreds of lockers at our school, I’m still not sure why it was my locker he had to take.”
Benjamin countered that having Amir’s locker was a birthright because his ancestors had owned the spot thousands of years ago where his locker currently stands.
Since all Model U.N. Club members are required to have a locker, Amir was ineligible to join. However after months of intense debate and deliberation, the student body overwhelmingly voted Amir to join the club as an observer student. The only students who had voted against Amir’s inclusion were Benjamin, a random Micronesian student and Benjamin’s American girlfriend, Tiffany Truman, captain of the cheerleading team.
Shortly after the vote, Benjamin punched Amir in the stomach and announced to the school he would punch him everyday because he was allowed in the Model U.N. Club. This prompted a passive-aggressive Facebook status by Tiffany saying “omg so mad right now. don’t want to talk about it. hint: its about my boyfriend. hint: he’s a sore loser” Benjamin’s other friends have stopped eating lunch with him in the cafeteria.
Principal Ka-Sun has proposed a “Shared Locker Solution” where both Amir and Benjamin will share the locker. “If we give Amir the top half of the locker and Benjamin the bottom half, we feel this will help bring the boys closer together.”
Unfortunately for Amir he was not given the locker’s combination and has to wait for Benjamin everyday. Additionally, Benjamin has started to expand his locker space by occupying areas of Amir’s half. When Amir told the school administration, Prinicpal Ka-Sun’s only response was “I should do something about that.”