Pretentious “Islamic” Images

Written by: Hamzah Moin

What do older retired masjid uncles and your distant relatives have in common? Neither of them have a filter when it comes to Pretentious “Islamic” Images… it’s SHARE, SHARE and SHARE!

Remember those annoying “Islamic” chain letter e-mails you used to get? “Send this to 5,000 people or Allah won’t love you anymore?” It was annoying then and it’s annoying now. However, Mr. Chain Letter has met Miss. Facebook and together they have birthed an abomination: the corny “Islamic” shareable images that you’re supposed to like and share or you might go to hell (at least that’s what the scary red text says).

At first it’s cute… ayahs from the Qur’an with some obviously-Photoshopped-background-image to inspire us. Whatever. I start having a problem at the super corny ones that almost seem offensive to look at. Have we really boiled down the beauty of Islam to these silly images?

Apparently we have:

Backronyms gone Badronyms

I’m sorry, but the Backronym for “I support love and making peace” is ISLAMP. Terrible.

If you keep staring at this picture, it actually looks like that the white hand is mutilating the black hand and painfully bending all the fingers in awkward directions.

If that’s the case, this is the most racist image I’ve ever seen. Unshare it!

Shaytaan is feeling blue

Yeah, sorry. This image might take you some time to get out of your subconcious now. My bad.

I have no idea what’s happening in this picture. Either:

1) the kid is praying in a really rough neighbourhood
2) the kid hallucinates when he’s ready to sneeze
3) the kid has the ugliest pet cat on earth

I can’t get over to the fact that the devil looks like he has something awesome to tell the kid but he’s just patiently waiting for him to finish. This image makes no sense.

I guess the illustrator took liberties and decided that wearing shorts above the knees is a very Shaytaan thing to do.

Qur’anic Oxygen

I sincerely hope little children do not see this image. The littlest things can make a child believe the craziest stuff.

Imagine a kid grows up thinking this is true? What if this person happens to come across an old man who has fainted in the food court in the mall?

“Oh my God! This old man isn’t breathing! Does anyone know CPR?”
“I will save this man. I don’t need CPR.”
“I carry an oxygen mask and a copy of the Holy Qur’an just for situations like this. Step aside.”

“Okay. We just lost 5 minutes. This didn’t really work out. I think the mask is defective. Does anyone have another oxygen mask?”

Lives are at stake here people. Do not share this image.

Women’s Rights

I don’t disagree with the message…

… I just think if we want to showcase Muslim women, we don’t make them look like they’re on the covers of a horror movie poster.

Please stop using scary red font when talking about Muslim women. Even Comic Sans or Wingdings would be much better.

Valentine’s Day

Easy there cupid. I’m “Muslim”.

What’s that cupid? Are you wondering why I put quotes around “Muslim”? That’s because I’m trying to sound “confident”.

Wait, are you saying putting quotes around things makes me seem fake? Well, you should “shut up” then.

Maybe I should just stop “sharing” these “Islamic” “images” because it’s giving “Muslims” a bad name? Ok.

The System is Down

Hang on a sec… implementing a governing system for 1.7 billion Muslims around the world is as simple as installing a virus-scan on a computer? I bet the Hizb-ut-Tahrir would be all over that.

This khilafah system looks like it’s running on Windows ME which would be a huge disaster. We need the Mac version to ensure stability.

Angel of Death calling…

Okay, several problems with this image:

1) The Angel of Death seems to be calling from Skype
2) It’s apparently his office number
3) The person dying seems to have the Angel of Death in their address book
4) Is the phone-owner dying or just the terrible Blackberry phone?
5) Is this considered a long distance call?

People might think I made these images as a joke for the article but believe me… I found all of the above. None of them are made by me.

Now share this article with 100 people or you will die… eventually.