TweetWritten by: Hamzah Moin Although I enjoy making fun of girls on this site, guys …
OAKVILLE – Augmented Reality video game Pokémon Go has taken the world by storm, including local masjid youth who have discovered a rare Pokémon in the most unlikely of places: the masjid basement’s wudu area. “I suspected I’d find a Magikarp floating around or at best a Blastoise,” said an extremely giddy Talha Zubair, 9, “but as soon as I saw a Jynx I knew there was something special about this place!”
Talha and his group of friends train together at a local Pokémon gym, having befriended each other in their weekend Qur’an class. They formed a Pokémon clan at the mosque called Pokémadrassa where they talk non-stop about all things Pokémon since the release of the game last week. The discovery of Jynx caused the entire Qur’an class to be shutdown due to over excitement. “No way we could memorize anything when there’s an actual Jynx like fifteen feet away,” said Talha’s best friend, Haaris Siddiqui, 10.
Imam Faisal Nizam, 39, mistook Jynx, the Ice and Psychic Pokémon, for an actual jinn and has been reading Atayul Kursi non-stop since he had heard about the sighting. “Seriously, I know kids can be obsessed with spooky paranormal stuff like jinns but we really need to ramp up our jinn security around here.”
Other Pokémon sightings around the mosque include Koffing in the brother’s restroom, a Jigglypuff in the Imam’s office and a Haunter in the sister’s section.
When Imam Faisal discovered that Pokémon Go was just a video game and not some elaborate takeover by the jinn world, he grew annoyed. On one hand, masjid youth were exceeding Pog-level distractions and hardly paid attention in class anymore but on the other hand, masjid attendance had never been so high after word got out that the mosque was brimming with Pokémon activity.
Feeling the distractions were getting too extreme, the Imam delivered the most passionate khutbah of his life on the dangers of addiction of video games. Unfortunately, the vast majority of congregants were busy looking at their Pokédex throughout the khutbah and his advice fell on deaf ears.
Some congregants disagreed with the Imam however. Newest recruit to the Pokémadrassa clan, Ammar Islam, 52 (and Talha and Haaris’ Qur’an teacher), felt the Imam should lighten up. “If the Imam weaved in Islamic topics relating to Pokémon it could actually help us pay more attention during the khutbah while at the same time giving us great practical tips on how to capture that elusive Mewtoo.”