Shoe Thief Still At Large

Written by: Hamzah Moin

Hakim Pervaiz, the President of Taqwa Masjid usually leaves Friday prayers a happy man but his post-Juma happiness streak abruptly ended last Friday when his shoes went missing.

“It was as if they just walked away on their own,” said Pervaiz, who had a sentimental attachment to his Reebok Pumps which he found to be ‘cool’. “I used to pump them up every morning before I left the house because the pumping technology gave it a better fit”. Pervaiz enjoyed pumping his shoes to increase his versatility when in the mosque office.

After Pervaiz’s shoes went missing, he panicked and ran home in his socks in the rain. “It was the most excruciating thing I’ve ever done in my entire life” he explained. He ran three miles when it suddenly dawned on him that he actually drove to the mosque that day.

Hakim isn’t pointing fingers but he feels that the perpetrator is an attendee at the mosque. He says this because shoes and jackets have been disappearing mysteriously after every prayer. Another shoe victim, Tarek Khan, switched mosques due to the increase in shoe crime. “It was ridiculous. After every prayer I couldn’t find my shoes so I built another mosque across the street where we just pray with our shoes on. It may not have the best smelling carpet in the world but I at least I still have my shoes on.”

Another anonymous shoe victim states that he doesn’t mind it when people take his shoes because he just steals another pair from someone else. “It’s great. Someone took my old sneakers so I just stole these shoes that have built-in roller-skates. People at my office are so jealous.”

Other mosque patrons bring their non-Muslim friends in the shoe area to keep an eye on their shoes during the prayer. “It’s a win-win situation for Carl, my non-Muslim friend.” said Pervaiz, “He gets to learn more about Islam through the khutbah and at the same time my shoes are safe.”

Although Carl finds the job degrading, he says he will accept Islam the day the Muslims find a solution to the parking problem at Juma. Carl remains a Hindu to this day.