Stupid Email Forwards

Written by: Hamzah Moin

Sometimes I wonder if there’s a reason why Muslims aren’t in power anymore. I seriously think Allah (SWT) has blessed us by not giving us power. I think we are just too stupid to be able to handle any kind of power at this point in time.

Before my Hizbi readers start pissing their pants, I’m going to explain why. Do you get stupid e-mail forwards from your Muslim friends? I do. These e-mail forwards are my reasoning that Muslims shouldn’t be in power. I think we’re dumb.

Boycott Coke

Everytime I get this e-mail, I buy a coke can from the vending machine and chug it down in front of my Muslim friends. With the amount of coke I bought because of this e-mail, I probably am the reason why Coke is the world’s most successful corporation. Coke’s Net Profits = Hamzah’s money.

For the 3 Muslims on earth who did not get this e-mail, let me explain. Apparently, some moron deciphered the Coca-Cola logo as something Anti-Islamic. Here take a look:

I lose IQ points everytime I receive this e-mail. Gullible fools, do you really think this is how they made their logo?

“Hey Hank, I need some help making a logo for a soda pop company”
“What’s it called?”
“Well, what you can do is take the Arabic script for La Muhammad, La Makkah (which means no Muhammad, no Makkah), write it backwards, sorta slant it a little, change a few stuff here and there and you’ll have Coca-Cola! The Muslims might get pissed off 100 years from now when Islam gets really big, but for now it should fly.”
“That’s awesome! Thanks!”

Why are people looking over the anti-Palestinian agenda of Pepsi? Clearly none of you has done their research. I took some time off of school to do some research on Pepsi. The results were shocking. See for yourself:


Pretty innocent Pepsi logo right? WRONG. Take a look at this:


Still innocent? NO! Look further… I made a few additions:


Outstanding. But it gets worse, look:


If you make six points along the Pepsi logo, and attach them together it forms the Star of David. If you then take the old blue and colour it red then it symbolizes that Israel will flood the streets of Jerusalem with Palestinian blood. DISGUSTING. How can nobody see this? Also, Pepsi’s acronym stands for Palestine? Eugh. Please Support Israel.


They found the bones of Prophet Hud’s people

Prophet Hud’s [Peace be Upon Him] people were huge. Gargantic. Apparently we need a stupid e-mail to remind ourselves. Someone forwarded this to me:

“Hamzah, please look at this picture. It contains a picture that will disprove Darwin and Athiests will convert to Islam. Please send it to all your kafir friends.”

The e-mail also read that the Saudi government was keeping it secret. IF IT WAS REAL WHY WOULD THEY KEEP IT SECRET YOU IDIOTS.

That’s the real deal. I mean it’s called Photoshop people. You can do anything with it.

Make pictures where X marks the spot.

Or use the picture to advertise your site.

We don’t need a lame Photoshop picture to believe that Hud’s people were big. Stop forwarding this to me dumbos.

Send this to 50 of your friends or you will die

Here’s something a moronic friend forwarded to me… 3 times. To all my e-mail accounts.

From: *ashif *han
To: Hamzah Moin
Subject: Spread Allah’s Message
I hope this e-mail reaches you in the highest state of health and imaan inshAllah. This is a story that I wish to share. One day an Imam was reading Qur’an and he fell asleep while reading it. When he woke up he received a dream that Prophet (SAW) told him to spread the message to as many people as he knew. If he spread it to 100 people, he’d reach Jannatul Firdous. If he spread it to 50 people, he’d have many wonderful wives in this life. If he spread it to 25 people, his tastebuds would change and all the milk in the world would taste like honey. If he did not spread the message, he will die.

The tradition of the sheikh lives on today. Please forward this to as many people as you know and enjoy the rewards of Allah (SWT). Do not delete it or leave it in your inbox. Allah (SWT) does not like lazy people.

What the hell. This was my reaction: I replied to him saying I was deleting his e-mail and I’m blocking him. He called me and pleaded with me to forward it to at least one person. I refused. This was 3 years ago. My stupid friend still pleads with me, saying I would die if I don’t forward the e-mail. Someone should tell him that the e-mail is right … I WILL die, just don’t know when.

I told my friend that he will die too… only he will die pissing more people off than I did.

For the idiots: Chain letters are not right. Stop sending them…regardless of who’s suffering from cancer, if Bill Gates is giving you money, if Hotmail starts checking for activity or God willing to kill you if you don’t forward it.

If we change our e-mail habits, we will eventually change this world. Start with our inboxes, then move onto the political revolution.