TweetWritten by: Hamzah Moin Open-handed: “Assalamu Alaikum!” a man shouts as he enters the room. …
Written by: Hamzah Moin
“Please stand shoulder to shoulder and turn off your cellphones”
I think by saying this before every prayer we in fact tune out the whole cellphone bit. Because in masjids for some reason the “off” or “silent” settings for cellphones don’t work.
You can sometimes tell a lot about a person with how they’ll react when their cellphone goes off in prayer. I’ve seen all sorts of stupid faces.
This is the face you’d want to make when your cellphone goes off. It’s the face that says “Man, I totally screwed up and I feel like a huge idiot for disrupting everyone’s prayer and I should probably learn from my mistakes and turn off my cellphone in the future but won’t”
This one ups the Sheepish face because not only does the victim feel bad, he is also fearing for his life. His masjid’s cellphone policy: if your cellphone goes off in the middle of prayer, you face a huge beat down from the Imam as soon as the prayer is done.
The policy stopped working when people realized they could just slip their cellphones to their enemies and get them beaten up. I think the mafia was formed in similar circumstances.
This is the “I’m so important that I leave my cellphone on, even during prayer” face. The main difference between the Defiant and the above faces is that the Defiant actually turns ON his cellphone before prayer.
One has to capture an image of importance and the only way to do that is to show everyone that:
1) Your clients mean a lot to you and you’re constantly thinking about them, even in the middle of prayer.
2) You still, for some reason, think it’s cool to use ringtones of rap songs and Bollywood music as if it was still 2002.
The Angry, unlike the Defiant, HATES their cellphone. They HATE it when people call. They’ll shake their heads angrily so when someone calls everyone in the prayer row can see it in their peripheral vision. The Angry wants everyone to know that the person who is calling must be some kind of idiot. How can the caller NOT know I’m praying? I’m praying all the time, obviously!
Sometimes, the Angry would let out exasperated bursts of “Ugh!” and “Ergh!” in the middle of fiddling to turn off their cellphones. I swear, I once heard someone go “Godammit” in the middle of prayer. It was probably the worst prayer on earth.
This one is when someone is caught reading their text messages in prayer. Apparently the text message is funny.
The beat down from the Imam after the prayer is also funny.
When I go into the movie theatre, there’s always some idiot that picks up their cellphone and says “Sorry, I can’t talk right now”. Why do people answer just to say they can’t talk?
An easier way to tell people you can’t talk: by not answering the phone.
The above cartoon is actually based off a TRUE story. People do this. I wish I could make this up.