TweetWritten by: Hamzah Moin Once upon a time, there lived three Haram pigs on the …
BOSTON – Tahira Zaidi, 27, received a last minute text from her husband, Raheel Zaidi, shortly before their planned Valentine’s dinner date. “Valentine’s is Haram,” the text read, “and I don’t want to participate in such Paganistic activities anymore.”
“Honestly, this has happened every year since we have gotten married,” said a frustrated Tahira, “I’d make all the Valentine’s Day plans and he’d get cold feet last minute and declare the entire holiday Haram and then he’d just spend the rest of the evening playing video games.”
Raheel is adamant about the impermissibility of Valentine’s. “I heard it a Friday khutbah once… and the khateeb was yelling quite a bit so he had to be right… something about some St. Valentine guy torturing Muslims or something,” said Raheel. “Anyway, we shouldn’t have just one day in the year to give flowers to our spouses to show them our love… we should be doing that every single day.” Tahira countered this point, explaining that her husband has yet to give her flowers on any of the other 364 days of the year.
“What’s worse,” explained Tahira, “is that two weeks later he all of a sudden is okay with these types of celebrations and expects cakes and presents for his birthday on March 1st.”
Raheel explains that birthdays are a fine way to show Muslims integrating into the West. “Honestly, I have heard khateebs scream about birthdays being Haram, and it doesn’t make sense to me… like what is wrong with having a bit of ice cream cake once a year?”
Tahira explains that her husband has consistently reversed his tolerant opinions on birthdays on August 30th every year. “That day is right before my birthday and it’s around that time he feels that birthdays are really, really forbidden in our religion,” said Tahira, tears in her eyes. “I don’t even remember our anniversary anymore.”